


If only

by tchouby



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 23:45:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5985097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchouby/pseuds/tchouby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only they weren't fighting for what they believe in.<br/>A spy life is never easy, but when Finn meets Poe it's harder than he ever thought. Staying true to what he was groomed to do starts to get impossible, and he is quicky left with a choice to make.</p><p> </p><p>(loosely based on Miike Snow ''Genghis Kan'' video)</p>
            </blockquote>





	If only

**Author's Note:**

> I've been inspired by this video:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_SlAzsXa7E
> 
> Which is absolutly adorable, and I just had to write a spy universe based on it.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, not beta read, but enjoy the ride.

There is a big dark room somewhere deep beneath the earth where no sounds can escape and where no one ever came back. It's surrounded by thousands of cameras, stuck into an enormous amount of concrete.

It's a place devoid of hope,

 But not kindness.

You see, this room is in fact the center of the First Order. An evil organization without friends, trying to take over the world. Greedy for wealth, but ultimately seeking power, the First Oder has been around under many names for years. Building slowly a network of criminals and petty thugs to help their cause. Reaching the corners of the world, in the deep of countries and world leaders. The thing is, the common people are left obvious to the threat the order poses, living their daily life without a worry in the world. Not knowing what horrible and inhuman acts are happening under their eyes.

It's started years ago, Supreme leader Snoke started breeding his minions to assure total loyalty. Sometime allowing followers to have offspring, and other time kidnapping unwanted children or unfortunates one. Children disappearing is a common occurrence, and when you have half of the world eating in your palm, horrors can be committed.

Sometimes, horrors actually bring good.

So there is a big dark room somewhere deep beneath the earth, in a facility under the control of the First Order. This is where the story starts for Finn and it is where it ends for FN-2187.

FN-2187 is one of those children who was taken from his hospital bed. Another of the First Order child who never knew anything else but cold and order and rules. One who was raised to be no one but a shadow, to be able to change name and identity quickly. To eventually die on a mission under a false life for the Order.

But FN-2187 is not one of those children.

No, instead of being cold he is warm and kind and cares for people. He has been an outsider in the inside all his life. Surprisingly resourceful, climbing the Order's ladder quickly, but never quit fitting in. But when all you ever know is following rules and leaders, you don't question where you should be. You're not even sad about your place in life, you think you are doing what's right, even if there's an awful taste in your mouth.

So FN-2187 climbed higher, higher than any others of his age. From leading his own intervention squad, to basic spying, to finally being recognized for his strategy and leadership skills. Making him the youngest man in the First Order to be put in charge of a detention center. Nine and Slip used to joke that he finally became a super-villain, and all FN could do was laugh nervously.

As we said, this is where our story starts. Or maybe it has already started.

FN-2187's detention center is a tight facility, run with care and diligence. No one leaves if they are not supposed to and no one enters without getting by him.

It's the most secure detention center run by the Order. Fortunately for him, it is not where the tortures take place, those are taken care in more important centers.  FN doesn't know if he would have the stomach to be responsible for the pain and death, even of his enemies. So he thanks his good star (he thinks) for his current position. It's a comfortable role for him, nothing to regret.

Well,

No, there is something he regrets.

You see, FN-2187 has been a spy for simple missions. Missions he always did fulfill. He lived many lives in his short 23 years, and took many names.

John, Adam, Moose, Carl, Matthew, Ken... and Finn.

Finn had been his favorite. If he was allowed to have favorite.

Finn was a simple hotel manager. (In reality FN-2187 was sent there to identify the spy the Resistance was supposed to have stationed in the city).

(Resistance was a spy agency ''fighting the good fight''. Always stopping the First Order in their biggest scheme. It was run by a woman, fierce and fearful. No one knew where they were stationed, even after the son of the Resistance's head deflected to their organization.)

 He was overqualified for his job behind the desk, but he loved helping tourists and clients around. It was a calm existence, and he almost wished it would have continued forever. But when he met Poe, the almost part disappeared and he wished it could have go on forever.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Finn had early shift in the hotel's lobby. He loved morning, they were quiet and comfortable, (things he never knew all of his life) and more than anything, he didn't mind the early hours.

As he was looking over the booking for the day, he saw from the corner of his eye a cup of coffee appearing on the desk in front of him. Finn couldn't help it, he raised slowly his eyes from the computer screen to take in who had made it appeared.

The thing is, when you travelled a lot and you had spy training, you're supposed to have seen a lot of beautiful people. To a point where they don't affect you that much anymore, even more so when you are a said attractive person. But sometimes life is tricky, or amazing and you can't stop being surprised about what it throws at you.

So here he was, speechless.

He was speechless because a mouth full of sunshine smiled at him at six in the morning. A mouth surrounded by manly stubbles and smiling dashingly. Attached to the prettiest eyes he ever saw. Dark and piercing. And the jaw, just, wow. Strong and square jaw, handsome jaw, he could kiss that jaw right now...

''... And so I thought you could use some coffee.''

Has Finn been thinking all this time while the prettiest stranger he ever saw was talking to him?

''Or not?''

Finally snapping out of it, Finn took a big sip of the burning coffee while shocking his head.

While in the First Order relationship were permitted, they weren't that usual. Snoke knew he couldn't force people to keep their hands off each other (human always find a way), but they came after one's duty to the Order. Finn just never felt the need to have one. He did have sex, but no one ever awoken something like this guy did. No one made his whole body buzz at first sight and NO ONE had that kind of smile at six in the morning, or any hours of the day.

''No, coffee is great thank you.'' Finn replied quickly, making the man in front of him break into an even bigger smile. Like it could be possible to be more handsome thought Finn.

Now that he looked at him better, the stranger had golden tan skin and nice nice dark curly hair. If he wanted he could just reach it and stroke the curls... No, no, Finn was a professional not some teenager lusting after a total stranger.

''... so I've been seeing you every morning on my way to work and I thought I could use the coffee as an excuse to talk to you'' He bit his lips looking up and down at Finn slowly. Finn could swear the stranger was slightly blushing.

''Here I am.'' He grabbed Finn's hand quickly. ''I'm Dameron. Poe Dameron. Nice to meet you... Finn.''

Finn could see the man, no Poe, looking at his name tag, still leaving his warm hand on his hand. Not that he minded.

He felt the smile grow on his own face, swooning a little inside at their awkward but cute exchange. ''It's a pleasure Mister Dameron'' the smile faded away from the man's face, being replaced by a small frown.

''Please, Poe is fine.'' He finally let go of Finn's hand, leaving only a weird cold on his skin. ''I'm here on business for a month, maybe we could go grab dinner sometimes, as a thank for the coffees.''

‘‘Coffees?'' Finn repeated.

''I plan on bringing you more.'' And here it was again, the heart throbbing smile of Poe Dameron. He only knew the man for five minutes, but damn, he could do things to that smile.

 And Finn thought Poe would have probably kill it in his seduction classes.

And so Finn was remembered who he really was.

Not an hotel manager, not a boy who could fall in love with a man whom it would be easy to give everything to, not someone who could easily let his emotions dictate his acts, but a man with a job to do.

''I'm sorry. I can't.'' he said it carefully. Low. Almost as a question, not even sure himself if he really meant it. ‘’We can’t really go out with our guests. Work policy.’’

Lies were usually so easy. Strangers were usually easy.

But not this time (and it never will be with Poe).

‘’I’m not giving up. I’m only a guest for one month.’’ Poe let his hand find Finn’s again. Smiling seductively. ‘’And I have a feeling we’ll get along splendidly’’.

With a last squeeze, Poe took back his warmth. Slowly reaching for something in his pocket. Five seconds later, a card was left in front of Finn’s dubious eyebrows and Poe was already leaving, mysterious smile on his lips.

Finn’s eyes ogled for a while on the stranger’s ass. A fine one, carefully confined in tight black pants.

‘’Alright, this is stupid.’’ He shook his head, tossing the thoughts away and took the odd gif. It was a bland business card, white with only a name and a number written in a square black font.

‘’Poe Dameron...’’ Sure Finn went back to his business, but he couldn’t help but say the name again and again. Making it roll on his tongue, just loving hearing it. Embracing the funny feeling going through his body.

Wishing there wasn’t a job to do and the First Order to go back to.

 

* * *

 

 

That’s how Finn met Poe. With a burden on his shoulder and desire for something he couldn’t have (maybe never).

What a life of conditioning and training doesn’t tell you, and what classes about people’s psychology, neuroscience and manipulation doesn’t teach you, is, at times, it just take the right person to shake everything. To make you feel out of place, constricted in your skin, wondering why you are thinking about emotions and space and time. Leaving you with no answer, just a dizzy head, full of thoughts. Nothing makes sense but everything does.

That’s how Poe let Finn. Vibrating under his frequent coffee gifs and morning conversations. Always warm, always charming.

Two weeks into Poe’s courtship (because that was what it was, Finn knew it, he studied it in the First Order), Finn finally got a lead for the spy he was tracking. One of his old squad mate who had taken the identity of a guy named Nine dropped by after one of Poe’s early visits.

All it took was fake reservation at the hotel and a request for speaking to a manager and they were meeting secretly.

Finn met Nine in his room. A comfortable suite with one bed and all one could dream for on vacation (not that he ever had any to compare to). With a quiet knock on the door, he was led into the spacious area. It took a moment to take all of his surrounding analyzed like he was taught (because Order or not, one always had to be careful). He gestured to Nine and began inspecting every corner of the room. Looking for something out of places or bugs. Reassured after five minutes and finally sure that no one else was listening to them, Finn stood up in front of his comrade. He raised an eyebrow and signaled to the other to begin talking.

Nine was always cautious no matter what, but it always exposed when he was nervous. He had the bad habit of fiddling with his red hair. It was the only visible sign of anxiety he displayed.

And he was definitely doing it now.

‘’Man, you won’t like this.’’ were the first words that left his mouth. Finn crossed his arms at the mere sentence, waiting for him to spill the problem. ‘’We know who you are tracking’’ he sighs, ‘’Well, we don’t know what he looks like, but the Order is sure your target is Black One.’’

The name was familiar for Finn. He had been debrief on the Resistance’s best spy on several occasions, but only three things were known about him.

  * The man was good, he was the leader of two different teams.
  * He was incredibly fast.
  * Black One had never been caught.



‘’Great, I’m chasing a ghost.’’ Finn let out a sigh. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but he never thought they would send him after Black One. This was so far from his rank in the organization.

‘’They want you to do it, since you’ve been stationed here for a while.’’ Nine quickly took a bag from under the bed and gave it to Finn. ‘’Plus you get to wear this.’’ He made quick nod the bag’s content, smiling. ‘’You’re going to be a real Super-villain.’’

Finn unzipped his package, nervous about Nine’s statement. The moment he saw the purple jacket everything inside of him froze. It could only mean one thing. The Order knew he had a chance to find his target, and the place where it could all go down definitely needed everyone to be at their best. He immediately regretted taking this mission, Finn hadn’t followed any of the more advanced infiltration classes. Those were for people going undercover for years, not kids playing hotel manager and gathering small fries.

‘’ We heard he was going to be at Jakku’s ball in three days.’’

 Of course a ball, Finn thoughts. ‘’ I don’t freaking know how to dance.’’ And Nine just looked at him, amused.

‘’ You have three days to learn’’.

 

* * *

 

 

So his routine resumed the next morning. Poe stopping on his way to work from his room. Bringing coffee at six, joking around for thirty minutes and always asking Finn on a date before leaving (date he was still refusing after two and half week).

Two things were different thought.

  * He was now a theory expert in ballroom dancing.
  * Poe was starting to get under his skin.



The man was beautiful for fuck sake. He was lean and muscular, and smart and funny, and everything else in the whole freaking world that was right. Finn was starting to wonder how someone could live life feeling like gravity was stronger when the other was around.

He must be a saint to still be doing his job instead of doing Poe Dameron.

These moods and those considerations were beginning to invade every part of Finn’s body, making him mad and itching. Itching to act on it and just say yes. Go out with Poe Dameron, dine, wine, have sex, fall in love, tell him about the First Oder, get him into said organization and live life as two people dedicated to the cause, but also to each other’s.

And that’s why he welcomed Jakku’s soirée with open arms. Needing the distraction.

Finn began making preparation two hours before the big event. He cautiously put on the suit. Getting the tights pants around his well-built tights, black shirt hugging his defined pecs and purple jacket bringing out his dark skin. He looked at himself in the mirror of his rented room (gif from the Order), before adding a black bow tie. ‘’Looking good.’’ Now that he had dress himself, Finn reached for a small suitcase standing in the corner of the room and placed it on his bed. Inside was an array of gadgets and weapons.

‘’Choosing is half the battle.’’ Inspecting everything for a long time, he finally settled for a watch that shoots sleeping gas, small knifes hidden at his ankles and a small gun. Carrying too many items would be too suspicious.

‘’And for the final touch…’’ If he had been taught one thing in his training, it was too never leave any fingerprints. That’s why he slid black leather gloves on his big hands. After looking at his reflection again and judging himself proper enough, he recalled Nine’s last words.

‘’So, I’m supposed to be looking for Black One meeting with Lor San Tekka…. I can do that. Finn can do that.’’

Speech done, Finn left his apartment and took a taxi to Jakku’s headquarter where the ball was taking place. The nervousness didn’t leave him as he arrived, it only became worse. Everything was so luxurious and glamourous. Finn could swear that everywhere he looked something was shining. He had been told about rich people assembling to celebrate…. Whatever they could, but he never imagined the swarm of expensive dresses and suits he was confronted to.

Overwhelmed by everything, he made his way to the gigantic glass doors, feeling out of place. Once inside, he took a moment to stare at the room. The reception hall of the building was transformed into a magnificent space. Chandeliers hanging from the high roof illuminating the red walls. A dancing floor had been installed at the center of the space, encircled by tables. Couples were already seated sparsely across the area. Finn made his way down the stairs to the main event. The majority of guests were already here, looking dashing and pompous. Everyone greeting an old friend or a business partner.

‘’What am I doing here…?’’ Finn made his way across the room towards one of the pillar that circled the celebrations. He needed to find Lor San Tekka quickly because the more he spent time in here, the less he felt like he belonged.

‘’FINN!?’’ He froze. Somebody was calling him. Somebody knew who he was.  His life with the First Order was over. He would be taken care of. He would…

‘’Finn, what are you doing here?’’ A firm grip on his shoulder made him turn around. And, good god, he thought Poe Dameron was beautiful before, but now he wondered if anyone could ever be this attractive.

The handsome man was wearing a white tuxedo, contrasting astoundingly with his tan skin. His curls usually so wild were styled towards the right, giving him a sophisticated air Finn didn’t knew to the man (but he hadn’t known him that long). His eyes were dark and looming over Finn’s body taking everything in. The men looked at each other. For now, there was only this, only them. No music blasting around, no one but the two of them. And a moment became more than a moment. Something thrived quietly and started to take his tool deep in their souls.

‘’… I’m here to represents the hotel.’’ Good one thought Finn. ‘’My boss couldn’t make it. He is a big friend of Jakku’s head of… everything.’’ And there it was, the tiny mistake in the lie. Poe would find this suspicious, all was going wrong.

But instead, the other man just laughed it up. Laugh lines appearing in the corner of his eyes.

Finn was fucked, that’s when he knew it. When the visible lifetime of happiness overflowing from Poe became so apparent. And Finn could see it, a life with that man (he didn’t care about the fact that he only met him two weeks ago). A life under rules and orders, but also laugh lines and curls and hair in his mouth when he sleep, but complemented by warmth.

‘’Well, seems like thanks to your boss I got my date in the end.’’

Oh, yeah, Finn could roll with that. Without thinking he smiled fondly at Poe’s words.

‘’Let’s not get full of ourselves, won’t we?’’ Like that it was easy. To tease and share, and just treasured the moment.

‘’Hey, I’m buying you a drink.’’ So Poe led him to the bar. Ordering their drinks. Charming Finn with jokes and stories of friends he could learn to love. Finn learned that Poe is 32. That he is working as a consultant for the biggest engineering firm in the country. That he is on a short contract with the local company and that he’s leaving at the end of the month (he already told Finn that, but the younger man doesn’t mind listening to everything he has to say). And Poe learns that Finn is 23. That he loves the work he is doing right now because he gets to be with people and see them smile on vacations (but Finn doesn’t tell him about the spying or the perfect score he had in his assassination’s course). They fell into their sentences, both leaving things unsaid, but sharing everything they can. And it’s easy (for now).

‘’So Snap took my dog and he tugged on his tail…’’ It’s in the middle of a story about BB-8 that Poe stops to talk. He looks behind Finn’s shoulder for a moment and signal someone. ‘’I’m sorry’’ The firm hand his back on his. ‘’I have to go meet a client. I’ll be back shortly.’’ And he says the last part lower, almost warily ‘’Please wait for me, please…’’ A last squeeze and he is leaving.

Leaving Finn who hasn’t said a word but nodded and followed him with his eyes. Oh, and he wish he hadn’t. Because there it is. Lor San Tekka. Old man, looking wise, lean and well dress. Exactly like in the pictures Finn has seen.

And Poe is talking to him. And all Finn can think is: ‘’No, no, no, and no. Please don’t let it be’’. Because he has plans for the both of them. Plans to fall in love, to share secrets and devotions for the First Order.

Plans that won’t be because he sees him shaking hands with Tekka. But what he really sees is the exchange of a small object.

Finn is fucked.

Poe comes back not long after. Relieved that Finn is still there waiting for him. ‘’I really thought you’ll take the opportunity and run away.’’ He is laughing, Finn is not.

‘’Poe…” Wait, what is he doing. “Poe, what did he gave you…?” Finn was always one with good instincts and the whole shebang calculated, except not this time.

“Only something for work. Why?” Poe is finally looking up to Finn. The smile on his face falls. ‘’Fuck.’

Poe is Black One.

Finn is First Order.

Fuck.

Both of their hearts breaks at the same time.

Poe runs and Finn trails after him.  Again there is only the two of them, but it’s not the same feeling. It’s hurting and confusing, and it’s mixing with everything else in the heat of pursuit. People are tossed aside, stairs are climbed. Poe never leaves his sight.

Because Black One has never been caught.

Poe pushes the glass doors and immediately makes a run for the street. He is tracked by Finn who crosses just behind him. People are looking at them, whispering about the two mad men who began running in the center of the reception and who vanished into the nearest street.

It takes almost ten minutes for Finn to tackle Poe (he’ll learn later that it’s because Poe was shaken since “Black One never get caught”). They tumbles on the concrete, dirtying their suits. Poe under Finn, he thinks this position would be heaven in other circumstances. The look in their eyes is one of pain. Finn is wondering what to do with the infamous leader now in his arms. He hesitated in kissing the hell out of the man, or gassing his beautiful face.

Third option is the best in the end. He quickly slaps himself in the face, steals the flash drive from Poe’s pants and gets up. Finn looks away. Away from Poe who looks at the black man incredulous.

‘’Go…’’ it’s the only thing Finn can say right now. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Poe, no, Black One getting up and lumping away. He would lie if he says he didn’t followed him with his eyes. But he won’t lie about the fact that it aches.

 

* * *

 

 

The mission was considered a success. True he hadn’t caught Black One, but he took back part of the map to Luke Skywalker, poster man of the Resistance, to the Order. Which was more than anyone had ever do against Black One.

 So he was promoted.

Zero failures, only success, and that’s how you find yourself at the head of a detention center at only 23.

He told everybody he hadn’t seen Black One’s face. However he kept secret that he knew his name. It was the only thing that was Finn only, not FN-2187, not the First Order.

Until he received a call from Kylo Ren.

His superior told him about the change in his center’s situation: He had captured Black One near where it was situated and needed a place where to dispose of him and make an example for everyone who dare go against the Order.

Finn’s heart stop. Poe was coming here. Poe was going to be executed under his supervision.

Everything felt into place. His feelings about the organization, the uneasiness in his skin, his position as an outsider even this far in the ranks and the repugnance he had to hurt people. FN-2187 wasn’t him. Finn was the closest he ever was to just…. Being normal. Thinking back, he only took the position because it was the next step in the career he was breed to do, and because he wasn’t inflicting pain to anyone. Only detaining them… until they would be taken away and killed.

 

He quivered underneath his clothes and pushed the emotions away. He had to do this. Had to follow the rules and codes of conduct. If he didn’t, his 23 years of living would have been for nothing.

So the proper preparations were made. They built an old interrogation room back to her former glory. Installing the latest technology in torture and remote control. Days later, Poe is brought in by field agents (they call them trooper).

He is as Finn remembers it. Cocky and beautiful. Tired and bloody of course, still, none of his charm left him. Even in the face of death.

Finn is cautious of not being seen, orchestrating the whole operation from a distance. Bad taste in his mouth and always on the brink of crying. He can feel himself breaking, until he does. It’s one hour until he is scheduled to kill Poe Dameron (with a death laser, it doesn’t get more cartoonist than that but Kylo Ren always had bad taste). And he can’t go on like this. FN-2187 has been dying since he met Poe, but now he is gone definitely. There is only Finn, who cares about people and wants to help. Wants to feel kindness and have real friends. So he does the only thing he can think of.

 

* * *

 

 

Finn loudly crashes into the room where the prisoner is detained. His heart is beating fast, but nothing can change his mind. The guards behind the door have all been send away under the excuse that Kylo Ren said so (it’s not a good lie, but everyone in the order learned not to questions orders from a superior). He does the same with the ones inside the room, just after remotely stopping the camera. Not long after, he is left alone with only Black One, or Poe. The man is lying on a metal plane, ankles and wrists attached to it. A dubious rictus deforming his face.

“I really thought we could make something… I knew you were too good to be true Finn… ”He bites his lips, holding back cries of discomfort. “Or whatever they call you here.”

“Finn, my name is Finn, and I’m getting you out of here.”

“After selling me out?”

Finn expected that. “I didn’t told anyone. I couldn’t…”

Something in Poe’s eyes flickers. “How can I trust you… you’re the only one who knew.”

That’s when he pushes the last button. No hesitation. Liberating Poe from his chuckles and throwing himself towards the man.

“I could never do this to you.” And he kisses Poe.

There is no uncertainty in his kiss, only everything he wants to say, but can’t right now. It takes a moment, still, Poe let himself relax against Finn’s mouth. Finn tentatively licks the tan man’s lips, asking for more and it’s given to him. They let their mouths meet again and again and again. Until it’s not enough and Poe’s tongue his inside him, tasting all of Finn. Chasing their worries away. Making him hot and sweaty and falling. All there is right now is the friction between their bodies and the delicious taste they share. It’s over too soon. They are left panting into each other’s space, bulge in their pants despites the predicament of the situation. And it’s a small “I trust you buddy.” That shakes Finn and takes him back on earth.

“We have to go, quickly.” The frozen image on the monitors will end up suspicious, every minutes counts for them. So Finn swiftly grabs Poe in his arms.

‘’ What are you doing…” It’s quiet, but not devoted of friendliness.

“We are getting out of here, didn’t you hear me earlier?”

And it’s back, the smile on Poe’s face. However, this one dethrone all of the others. It’s full of admiration, compassion and affection. It’s like Finn is the best thing in the world (in reality he knows that it’s Poe who’s the best thing in the world) and he never wants Poe to look at anyone else like this.

“I knew you were too good to be true Finn…”

He carries Poe out of this nightmare, and the rest is history.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I might write more, who knows. Or just rewrite this one. I dont know


End file.
